I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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