Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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