I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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