I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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