he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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