i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
