he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
did you just send me my own nude
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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