he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
