naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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