I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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