so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
