I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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