the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
