i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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