I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
