We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
