So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
