WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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