You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
