careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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