did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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