Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
