The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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