I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
