Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She tied me up with her honor cords...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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