I've blown a few things in my day
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
