it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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