Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
