Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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