this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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