I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
