Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
