Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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