did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
