Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
