I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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