she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont even know how to be here
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
