Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
