i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize