the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize