to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
