Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
