This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize