Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
