You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
