Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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