is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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