"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
