My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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