either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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