the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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