Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
