I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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