So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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