my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
