Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize