Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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