Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
