Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
