I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
