WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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