i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dick very happy bro
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
