It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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