When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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