and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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