you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize