it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize