I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
