He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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