I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i now understand why vodka
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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