why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
