when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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