Me too!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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