im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
