I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
