I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
