i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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