If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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