I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i will never coherently bang her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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