Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
