So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
