He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
