Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
