I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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