You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
