Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize