We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
