Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
